I admit that my work history isn’t all that long, and as I’m one of those socially anxious, antisocial, highly sensitive, emotionally eating introverts, I am just about awkward in everything I do, including dating. Now that I think about it my dating history is also fairly short with some really weird nuts thrown in.
The Very First
So, my very first boyfriend. I admit that he was handsome and it was wonderful time. We were very much in love. I went to his house every week and we played games and watched movies.
He’d even hold my hand if I bugged him enough. Of course, we were both 6 at the time and had no clue what it actually meant to be a couple at that time. I’m not entirely sure how it ended, but I know that he had the most fascinating game collection that I’d seen. That would be board games, mind you. Back in the day we didn’t have all the fancy gaming systems we do now.
The Actual First
Okay, skipping forward in time to my actual first boyfriend. We were technically considered high school sweethearts. He was a bit of a jerk, but what can you expect from a guy that failed senior year in high school twice? I was also an insecure teenager who hadn’t found her place in life yet. I’m still looking for it, but my life experiences and my writing has definitely helped me in that regard.
His name was Nick and he was a couple of years older than me. We met in my freshman year and sort of hit it off as friends. In the mornings we would work at the cookie shop that the school had before first period. It was very unhealthy and I probably ate more cookie dough during that time than any other in my life.
I was 15 and he was 17 when we started “dating”. I found out later but the only reason he asked me out was because his first pick hadn’t responded to the note he’d sent her fast enough for his liking. For me, it was very quickly discovered that it wasn’t like you read in story books and fairy tales. It was hopeful, disappointing, and at the end of it all hurtful.
I wish I knew then what I know now. Things would have been very different. I might have still given him his first chance, but certainly not all the others that I did. He waffled between me and his first pick, who I can’t remember her name for the life of me.
My first time with him was messy, painful, and disappointing. It was kind of like my entire relationship with him. Afterwards he rolled off of me and pretended like I hadn’t given him something precious that I would never get back. Turned out he hadn’t taken it. My very first girlfriend popped my cherry with a dildo.
I remember one of the last times I was his girlfriend. It’s something that caused me untold amounts of joy and the greatest heartache at the time. I rode the city bus home from school and on days when we would stay for after school clubs he would walk me down to the transfer station so I could wait there for the bus home.
On this particular day he hugged me and held on for a few moments more. It made me super happy as if a warm light had taken the place where my heart was. He even told me he loved me. I went home and pulled up my computer, getting on to the school email and saw what he sent to me.
He had the nerve to hold me when earlier in the day he had emailed me telling me it was over. I was devastated then. Now, I just roll my eyes at the girl who just wanted to be loved. I was a girl who wanted to be put first for once, when I never had been, even by myself.
We did get back together once afterwards and that was enough for me. I was tired of being hurt, tired of crying my eyes out, tired of being numb. So, it ended. I moved on and met my first girlfriend, who also dated Nick briefly before we got together. That’s a story for another day, but that didn’t end all that well either.
I had a chance to meet him a couple of years ago, before I started working security and definitely before my blog. He was divorced and had a precocious little boy who looked just like him. Jacob was a wonderful child if in need of some maternal love. His mother was currently hitchhiking across America. We did hook up, but I wasn’t putting my trust or heart in him anymore. He wasn’t any better that time around either.
Last I heard he had given his sweet little boy up for foster care while he went off to another woman halfway across the country. I feel sorry for Jacob and continue to hope he found a family to love him and raise him the way he should have been raised.
That’s that. That chapter is firmly closed in my life. I would probably be cordial to Nick if I ever saw him again, but it wouldn’t be anything you would consider friendly. There’s just too much water under the bridge to ever recover from. I do hope I get to meet Jacob again, even if he doesn’t remember me.
So, what was your first love like? Let me know in the comments, okay? I’d love to hear both the good and the bad.